Thirty-two days ago, Patrick and I found out we had created life. We could not have been happier or more excited. We had cute announcements made, even though it was impossible to keep this pregnancy a secret. We had names picked. We took weekly belly photos. Our lives were forever changed by this child. We felt that this baby was truly a gift from above. How could it not be, when this baby was conceived so easily after coming off birth control?
Last night, we lost our baby. It has been an awful forty-eight hours for us. Already, I can feel myself on the emotional roller coaster that is dealing with this loss. I cannot tell if the physical or the emotional hurts more. I can see my husband’s heart breaking as we go through this. Despite knowing my chances of carrying this baby to term, we had faith that we would have a perfect, healthy pregnancy and a perfect, healthy baby.
Quite frankly, I’m angry.